Do Taffy’s Tips Still Fly?
By Michael KarolTimes change. Tastes change. In fact, life is all about change. But one thing that never changes is this: kids need advice, and there’s always someone willing to give it to them. But has that advice changed since the 1960s, or is it still relevant to today’s kids? We compared an advice column from the mid-1960s (Taffy’s Tips To Teens) to one of today (Dear Dish-It, from the website Kidzworld.com) to find out.*
Family Matters
“Dear Dish-It: Yesterday I got in a huge fight with my mom. She wanted me to clean out my drawers and I had plenty of time so I took my time doing it. So, five hours later I’ m still not done so she goes crazy and starts trashin’ my room; then my dad stepped in and I got a whole lot of lecturing and I got kicked out of my room. Now all my clothes are in bags and I have to sleep in my little sis’s room. … She says to my dad that it’s either me or her that’s going to leave and if she leaves my three younger sibs won’t have a mother. HELP!”“Your mom was angry, but I doubt that she wants either of you to leave. What she might want is to hear that you are sorry for trying to make her life harder by fighting with her about everything she asks of you. Sit down with your mom and have a chat about the recent fights you’ve been having and what might make your current situation better. Your mom definitely loves you, she’s just doesn’t know how to communicate with you right now. Be the bigger person and initiate a nice, calm chat. There will probably still be conflict with the two of you in the future, but they won’t be nearly as dramatic if you each know what the other is feeling. Good Luck!”
Taffy’s Take:
Though Taffy hardly dealt with such fractious family issues, she was a big believer in everyone in the family having an opinion and getting along: “If something displeases you, don’t sulk — speak up! To be seen and not heard applied to Grandmother’s [sic] day, not to ours. Let the whole family hear the plan or suggestion you have to improve family relations. It’s as much your duty as anyone else’s to help create a happier, more cheerful home atmosphere. Togetherness of a family today, tomorrow, forever, starts early in life and can last a lifetime. It’s just a matter of knowing how others are thinking and feeling, and of complete understanding on everyone’s part.”
Dating
“Dear Dish-It, I have never been on a date before in my life and I am 12. Anyway, there is this very cute girl who everyone likes. I want to know two things: How do I act to get a girl? And how do I act on a date?”“I want to let you know that there is nothing wrong with never having been on a date at 12. You’re super young and if I were you, I’d hold off even longer before getting all tangled up in the world of love and dating. … To get a girl (who’ll like you for you,) you have to be yourself. Don’t put on an act, a show or a fancy costume — just act as you would around your friends! The same goes for how you act on a date. If a girl has agreed to go out with you, then they are looking forward to spending time with the guy that asked them out and no one else. Good Luck!”
Taffy’s Take:
Taffy’s Tips was written for tween and teen girls, but she offered some general dating tips that would work for anyone: “Do you get tongue-tied, flustered, feel giddy, or choke on your Coke [in front of the opposite sex]? To handle the situation when a [girl] ambles over to talk to you for the first time: Stay calm, cool, and sensible. Don’t try to be coy, thinking you have to … flirt a bit, or be gushy and appear overwhelmed…. Instead, smile and answer pleasantly any question or comment…. A [girl] has to be at ease and comfortable talking to you before [s]he can decide if [s]he likes you. Pleasant friendliness on your part is the most likely means to accomplish this.”
Eating Right
“Dear Dish-It, I have wanted to be a vegetarian for the past three years but I still have not been able to ask my mom. I think she is going to be mad at me but I don’t want her to be. What should I do? Please help me!”“Deciding to become a vegetarian can be a pretty big decision. You are going to be giving up a fairly important part of your diet and it could be hard to get used to right away. But, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Your mom … might be a little upset, but if you present her with the facts, I doubt she’ll be angry with you. As long as you know what vitamins and nutrients you need on a daily basis, and where you can get those vitamins and nutrients from, you should be just fine. Your fam may need a bit of an adjustment period, but before you know it, they’ll probably be a lot more accepting of the veggie alternatives. Also, you may want to stop in to see your family doctor to discuss the right diet for you. Good Luck!”
Taffy’s Take:
Taffy was all for eating right and exercising to maintain a happy frame of mind and body, though a strict vegetarian diet wasn’t on her menu (or even on the public radar at the time). She was a proponent of good health and healthy eating: “Any girl with a serious overweight or underweight problem should be checked by a doctor before increasing or decreasing the amount of food she eats, or embarking on an active exercise program. Once checked … she should lose no time in going on a health binge.” Taffy lists foods one can eat to either gain or lose weight. For the latter, she suggests snacking on raw vegetables like “tomatoes, carrots, green pepper, celery, green lettuce cucumbers, and so forth.”
Hair Color
“Dear Dish-It, My mom won’t let me dye my hair the way I want. I want to dye it with red and golden streaks, but she said that it’s for crazy people. I want to be myself and dying my hair makes me feel like an individual. Why doesn’t she want me to dye my hair?” “It sucks when your parents veto your plans, especially when it involves your personal style statements. … Sometimes, parents have a hard time letting you do things on your own, like making major hair decisions. … Let’s face it — parents can be weird. Then again, maybe your mom is trying to save you from making a giant mistake, like dying your hair a color that will be hard to get out if you change your mind. If you’re totally jonesin’ to make a hair statement, take your mom to the local drug store and show her those new, wash-out dyes. Maybe she’ll let you play with your hair color if she knows it’ll only last until your next shower. Good luck!”Taffy’s Take:
Taffy doesn’t say anything about hair coloring; in those days, many people thought it was only “bad girls” who dyed their hair. Taffy did, however, believe in the power of a divine ’do, and that moms would be supportive of their daughter’s hair needs: “A smart hairdo can bring out a new phase of your personality, lift your confidence sky high, create all kinds of moods, hide flaws. It can make you appear taller or shorter — and even seems to shape your face in interesting new proportions. Your mother may say no to lipstick and eye makeup just now, but when it comes to fussing with your hair, not only are mothers for it, but they may even give you some helpful hints on how to start, and some extra money for hair-fixing equipment.”
Being Gay
“Dear Dish-It, I’m having a problem with my parents. I’m starting to get older and soon I have to tell them that I’m gay. But it’s been so long that I don’t even feel like telling them. I feel like, if they don’t know by now, they don’t deserve to know at all. What do I do?”“Don’t blame your ’rents just cuz they don’t realize you are gay. Maybe they do know and they just haven’t let on. Or maybe they are completely in the dark. Either way, you still need to tell ’em — straight-up — whenever you’re ready. … There’s nothing wrong with being gay and there’s nothing wrong with telling people either. Unfortunately, some people don’t understand it and may not react well.” [Dish-It goes on to list Web Sites for teens and their parents that will offer positive information on dealing with the issue.]
Taffy’s Take:
Unfortunately, homosexuality was an unmentionable subject, especially in literature aimed at teens/tweens, in 1964. Taffy does have this to say about individuality: “How very proud you should be of you! You should never feel it necessary to be a copycat in fashions, mannerisms, outlook on life, or anything! What’s right for someone else is not always right for you. Make your own decisions — keep yourself the very special person that you are. You have to like yourself before you can like anyone else! When you look in the mirror, be pleased with what you see, but look for character first, regardless of a well-carved nose, lovely red lips, or big blue eyes. Your character is far more important than a beautiful face!”Tween advice for today, and from yesterday: Both make plenty of sense, and both are obviously written from the perspective of their eras. But both also prove that dishing out good advice is a time-honored tradition, not taken lightly by tweens, whether one had to read it in the daily paper, or surf for it on the Internet.
*All text is taken either from Kidzworld.com by permission or excerpted from the 1964 book Taffy’s Tips to Teens, by Dolly Martin).